


Little Lion Man

by nitohkousuke



Category: Kamen Rider Wizard
Genre: Gen, Hinted Nitou Kousuke/Masataka Tsuchiya, Internalized Homophobia, Kousuke No Homos A Lot, Mental Health Issues, Other, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitohkousuke/pseuds/nitohkousuke
Summary: “Tsucchi, let’s bleach my hair.” Kousuke crosses his arms nodding like he’s come up with the solution to every problem he’s ever had.Pre-Wizard: Kousuke dyes his hair to cope with life
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Little Lion Man

The stars really are something like this. Kousuke peers his head out from the tent he’s illegally set up, again, in the local park. Well, he hasn’t set up in this park in awhile. Rotation is a key way to make sure no one gets the local authorities involved. It’s not like he’s looking to get arrested. Really. It’s just…

He doesn’t want to go home to his grandmother. To her disapproving looks that everything he ever does is too weird or too dangerous. He doesn’t want to go to school either. There’s no point when he’s already been accepted. Not that his attendance has been stellar. The classroom just feels so...suffocating? There are a thousand things he wants to do, wants to feel, wants to be…

Sure, he doesn’t do those things because there are all these damn steps and requirements and apparently, you can’t just sign yourself up for digs and excavations without having a degree or some sort of credentials. Which is fair, really. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

Make the crazy decision, after some pushing from his best bro, to go after his lifelong dream? Easy. Fill out some damn applications? Less easy but still easy. Take some tests using his amazing intellect? Easy!

Wait several months until he graduates high school and can finally start university? Impossible. THEN, have to do the whole damn school process again with sitting in rooms and waiting. With every single grade having a thousand parts. 

Kousuke is a gambling man. He’s the kind of person to jump first and think second. There’s a difference between impulsive decisions someone makes at three in the morning and a decision that you literally have to wait out for several years. One of them is the easiest thing in the world. Kousuke thinks at least. The other is easy to start but…impossible to start.

Maybe it’s that he has no patience? Maybe he’s just not built to run a marathon. He’s always been a sprinter. Long term is...hard.

Hard when he really didn’t even think he’d make it this far. Every single action and decision made with a sort of ‘you only live once’ attitude that he expected to maybe have accidentally killed himself earlier. He’s turning 18 this year and he’s going to still be breathing. Probably. Most likely. He’s not really sure he has the opportunity to do otherwise.

He’s alive! He’s going to pursue his dream! Everything is lining up to be amazing! Shouldn’t he be thrilled? Shouldn’t he be excited?

...Why does he feel kinda empty? Like everything is just happening around him? Like every day he proceeds and goes through the motions? Not that anyone would know. He’d never let anyone really know.

It’s not like things are terrible. They’re great. Really! He really is excited! But, there’s something about feeling so stagnated that makes him miserable. There’s too much to do that he can’t just...do. There’s too much to do that requires too many steps before he’s where he wants to be. There’s too many things that aren’t split second decisions.

Letting out a yawn, Kousuke puts an arm over his eyes, trying to pull in his thoughts. Kousuke isn’t the kind of person to fall into despair. It’s how he’s managed to fool so many people into thinking he’s some kind of totally mentally stable ray of sunshine.

There’s nothing stable about a person who will risk their everything for just a little more, but well…

“Ahhhhh” Kousuke yells as quietly as man who’s not looking to be arrested in a public park that he shouldn’t be in at the hour it is, all while ruffling his hair as if that’ll kick start whatever seems to feel like he’s stuck in quick sand. Because that is his current feeling. Stuck in quicksand. Drowning, but super slow drowning. He’ll probably be totally fine, which is really lame isn’t it? If he was drowning super fast, he’d be in a corner and maybe inspiration would come to him. Maybe he’d know exactly what he had to do because he’d have something that HAD to be done immediately.

Instead, he was sinking slowly and he was left to look at his barren surrounding for a branch or rope to pull himself out or at least keep him from sinking further.

There was only one thing he could thing to do.

The phone rang a few times before Tsucchi’s half asleep voice was heard.

“Who…?”

“Bro…” Kousuke starts. “Listen, I know it’s 3 am, but…” What does he say? There’s always a way to phrase things without setting off warning bells in people’s heads. Nothing is actually really wrong. He just feels a little stuck. He needs a jump start not like any major work.

“Kousuke.” Tsucchi says like he should have figured he was the only man wild enough to call someone at 3 in the morning. “My parents aren't home y’know. You can just come over?”

“I like camping! There’s nothing wrong where I sleep.” There’s something about just forcing himself to live a wild new experience every time that makes him feel alive. Again, maybe that’s a bit...concerning, but well.

“I’m not coming to you, dude. You want my 3 am sage advice, you gotta come to me.” Tsucchi yawns after he finishes talking.

“Isn’t that kinda gay to be at dude’s house at 3 am?” Kousuke says like he hasn’t made out with Tsucchi at 4 am in Tsucchi’s kitchen while his parents were home. That’s a kiss between bros though, he swears. Nothing like a bro kiss to lift someone’s spirits. A little friendly bro touching to make you feel alive. A little bro job to really get yourself going.

There’s a long pause at the end of the line. “It’s totally no homo. Don’t worry.” It’s probably a little homo, but that’s a box to unpack somewhere down the line.

That’s how he ends up climbing through Tsucchi’s window, scaring the shit out of his best friend by throwing his backpack through the window first.

“I can’t believe you climbed up there! There’s barely any place for you to climb?” Tsucchi stares at him with pure disbelief, but really Kousuke’s been wanting to do that since the first time he’s ever come over. Parents being home makes it really hard however. If he falls and crashes, he’ll have to deal with Tsucchi’s parents. 

“Well I did it!” Kousuke grins. “Nothing’s impossible for me. Besides, this was the fastest way to see my best friend.” Which is a totally logical excuse for him to throw himself through a bedroom window not on the first floor with barely an access otherwise. 

“That’s kinda a little in-”

“Stop! Don’t say it.” Kousuke covers Tsucchi’s mouth because there really hasn’t been a thing about him that wasn’t a little insane. Now is not the time to point that out nor is it the time to address it. Now is the time to find a new insane thing to yank him out of the quicksand.

“Alright Alright!” Tsucchi pulls his hand off his mouth. “I spent the time you took getting over here and I’ve got it!” He jumps to his feet with as much energy as he has at this time of night and grabs his guitar from his bedside.

“You gotta feel comfortable in youuuur skin! You gotta make more decisions that feel like you! You gotta make a change so your outside matches your insides!” Tsucchii jams a few chords before continuing. “You still look like highschool Kousuke barely able to pick a major before I the great and amazing Tsuuuuucchiiiii helped you out. Tell me! What does Kousuke the Archaelogist look like?”

What does he look like? Oh. That’s actually a really good question. A really good point.

What does he look like? What does he like? Its true that the boring school uniform had sucked a lot of his personality out of him. But what does he like? Poofy vests like he wore when he was younger and maybe still wears now. But with fur! Animal print. As much animal print as he can. But that’s not enough. That’s not distinct. No difference. That’s not a risk. So what is?

Oh.

“Tsucchi, let’s bleach my hair.” Kousuke crosses his arms nodding like he’s come up with the solution to every problem he’s ever had. “Not like all of it. Just like...the long part. Maybe even curl some pieces, y’know. I’m Nitoh Kousuke. I want a mane to match my loud ass lion personality.”

“I think there’s a box of hair dye in the bathroom from the time my older sister was going to dye her hair…” Tsucchi hums walking out of his room into the bathroom to retrieve said box. “You’re just in luck. Because it’s still good. I’ve never dyed hair before but…”

“Where’s there’s a risk, there’s a chance.” Kousuke grins, yanking his shirt off because he really likes this shirt and he’d like to not ruin it in the process. Besides, what’s some skin showing between bros at 3 am while dyeing hair to cope with the ever present feeling in life that there are too many things to do that require patience and steps and time.

“Worst comes to worse we just shave your whole head?” Tsuchi nods as he mixes the ingredients together. Kousuke would really like to keep his whole head of hair, but if that happens, he can just wear really cool hats until it grows back.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. My hair is in your hands, bro.” Bleach smells terrible unfortunately. Kousuke frowns as he tries not to gag on how strong the smell is.

“Oh it says we’re supposed to do a strand test…?” Tsucchi says like half of Kousuke’s hair isn’t already doused a little unevenly in bleach and he hadn’t just read that on the directions he’d barely read before putting chemicals in his hair.

“Nah.” Kousuke waves him off. “It’s totally fine. Keep the bleach going.” Another step to skip. Another reckless decision. He can already feel the excitement in his veins. This was exactly what he needed.

It does take far longer than he wants to get all the bleach in his hair. Even worse, he has to wait half an hour for it to set, but that’s fine. That’s a lot less waiting than he’s been doing. 30 minutes is nothing compared to 30 days.

“It’s already starting to turn.” Tsucchi interrupts their conversation about whether or not Kousuke could survive jumping out the window to leave, which was currently at an agreed upon yes but a disagreed upon consequences of the action.

“I should just wash it out. I mean. It doesn’t need to be platinum or anything. Just. Blond. Show me how your shower works?” Kousuke tries to mess with the shower setup that’s a lot different than the one at his grandmother’s...and a lot different than the water fountains in the park at 2 am. “...No homo.”

“Yeah yeah.” Tsucchi shoves him before turning a few dials to get the hot water going. “Man I can’t wait to see Kousuke the Archeologist. Bet this is gonna look great!” Tsucchi shoves him forward before leaving to let him undress and wash his hair.

He’s still going to have to wait before starting university. He’s still going to have to go through university. But...at least, he can keep making changes. Obviously, he needs this time to find himself. That’s what this waiting is for. It’s for making changes. It’s for trying things. It’s for doing what he can before he really figures out what’s going on.

Maybe it’s not stagnation. Maybe it’s just a trial period. And really. The blond as a part of his look? That’s a subscription he’s willing to sign up for.

It’s not a permanent fix, but it’ll do for now.


End file.
